dhiderate
i feel sorry for your loss.
Let me share you something lee,
When i was still @ highschool im quite a loner not because im not social but because my class always treats me with competition, i can see trough their action and ended up reading what they are up to that i was called "abnormal" and b4 i know it i never got to get any true friends, i experienced many depressing moments and most of them are betrayal and bullies including whenever i go out to school i encounter some bullies that i almost got a bruise every night when i go home.
It made me so depressed that i don't want to go to school anymore.
but don't have anyone to tell that including my parents because i don't want any kind of comotion @ school such as my parent going there so i end up getting depressed more that i skipped classes for 2 weeks(my parent doesn't know since she go to work early and come home pretty late and she thought i joined the Taekwondo/Karate Club having those bruise), of course no one bothered to contact me since i don't have friends that time, and i know that my grades will gradually drop to the point of failure.
I ended up getting frustrated over it so painful that i no longer feel anything other than agony every time i try to sleep.Whenever i woke up, my chest hurts so bad.
I became fat/obesse my weight increased to 80+kg and one day my mother noticed it. i told so many lies/excuses etc.
Even though i know that was only a temporary solution, i convinced my self every day that this pain will fade on time.
but during these 2 weeks.
One night I cannot control anymore these pain that i ended up crying on my room like a baby and had so many flashbacks from the day i get to recognize anything on these world, it was really painful.
The agony keeps on getting stronger and stronger that i tried comiting suicide every other day by trying not to breath/drowning my self(its stupid cuz i have no idea that will never kill me).
That time i stopped caring what ever happens to me, and the way i think that i was superior to others suddenly gone to inferior.
From that point i desired death what i whisper b4 i sleep "please let me die" with tears flowing.
Then theres one thing that saved me one day...
A Story, right, a story, it was the first time of me recognizing anime as a godly creation of mankind, that anime was named Tsubasa Chronicles.
At first, it really isnt the story that cought my attention, its the music.
The Orchestric music that touched my heart and b4 i know it, tears began falling down from my eyes.
How did a music touched my heart when i always hear different musics @ school specially when theres an event?
Thats what i asked myself that time.
The orchestra music that touched my heart was a composition of Yuki Kajiura and the title was The Song of Storm and Fire. The past me slowly faded and another me started to shine, i searched about these godly musics and finally ended up to download/purchasing Albums like Tutti Sounds, WAVE, Yuki Kajiura albums and more.
The pain on my chest suddenly disappeared one day and i felt that a new me was born, i became obsessed with those music that i made myself learn to play musical instruments starting from Guitar,flute to recent which is piano(self learning).
I started attending class again, the pain came back after seeing the gate, so i pulled out my earphone and listen to musics and set my mind making the schools atmosphere different from what i sense b4.
I made some friends after they learned out about me knowing how to play different musical instruments.
They thought i composed the musics i was playing, they thought those musics are strange but very soothing to the ears, and told them, those are all anime musics, some are shocked cuz some of them thinks that anime is = to porn/hentai.
It turned out pretty well, even though there are still some who hates me for some reason.
I focused on those who smiles to me and made my first best friend.
I said goodbye to my old self and wrote about what happened during those weeks detailed on a notebook and hid it.
Maybe someday, my way of thinking will change again to worse, but.
I fixed/set my mind and think, that what ever happens to me, there is always something that can save me.
It might not be human,thing, or just a passing by event. As long as i explore, i will diffinitely reach that hand of God.
So Stretch your arms and try something else, im sure that death is not the only path that u could take to stop/ease the suffering on your heart.
Im sure that your uncle doesn't want u to be sad.
So Cheer up, and explore more, if u found a hidden tallent of yours, im pretty sure you will shine.